Updated: Aug 3, 2020
I had plans and dreams but because my focus was on hiding the hurt, disregarding the people who hurt me, pretending I was fine when I wasn't, I was being distracted from my destiny.
As I look back on the last couple of years, I realize how I have allowed being hurt to hinder me. I decided that I had to come to grips with it because it was holding me back! I had plans and dreams but because my focus was on hiding the hurt, disregarding the people who hurt me, pretending I was fine when I wasn't, I was being distracted from my destiny. It takes a conscious effort and energy to pretend you're not hurting when you are. I am no longer going to allow being hurt to hinder me from my destiny. I am owning the hurt so I can get rid of it.
There is a history of me being hurt from early childhood until early adulthood, but I was able to work through those hurts. The hurt I am experiencing now developed after I accepted the call into ministry. I am not going to label it as church hurt because the Church didn't hurt me, but the actions of those who claim to be the church did. It was very difficult to admit that I was hurt because I don't like feeling vulnerable and I didn't want those that hurt me to know that they had an effect on me. The truth is, I was only hurting myself more by trying to appear to be ok. So I made up my mind to do what I was told to do and own my hurt and be transparent with it.
HOW I HAVE BEEN HURT
I have been accused of stealing people's ideas because the Lord gave me the vision to pursue.
I have had people collectively go to other people to speak negatively about me.
I have had people INTENTIONALLY tell people not to support anything I do because they don't like me.
I have been betrayed by people who said they had my back but instead talked behind my back.
I have sowed seeds into people who now act like I don't exist or never done anything for them.
I have had my kindness taken for weakness
I have been used by people who claimed to love me.
I have had people get up and walk out of the sanctuary when I got up to preach.
I have been lied on and lied to.
I have been criticized by people who never got to know me as a Human Being!
I have had people secretly recruiting people to turn against me.
These things hurt me because they made a whole informed decision about my character based on their own perceptions of me and never gave me the opportunity to defend myself or allow me the opportunity to weigh in their perceptions to see if I did need to correct myself, which I am always willing to do. Because I tried to bury it, I found myself crying so many tears nobody but God knew about, I felt depressed, became withdrawn and even felt like giving up the ministry, and sometimes I have wanted to give up on business and even life because of the HURT I was trying to pretend didn't exist.
attacking my character, and recruiting others to join them in trying to hinder my prosperity (
I never confronted the hurt or those who hurt me and because I was trying to cover them and not make a spectacle of them but because I kept it bottled in, I was hurting because the people I mentioned and so many others condoned negative behaviors malicious behaviors, and they didn't go out and treat them, speak negatively about them, go out and hurt them as they did me and I haven't done anything to those who hurt me other than try to be a blessing to them. As a result of their actions, I was ostracized, rejected, felt condemned, and convicted by imperfect people, and I felt not good enough.
IT HURTS to be ostracized!
IT HURTS to feel rejected by people who say they love Christ!
IT HURTS when people rather talk negatively about each other instead of talking to each other!
IT HURTS imperfect people judge other people's imperfections!
IT HURTS when being accused of things we haven't intentionally or unintentionally done.
IT HURTS when made to feel not good enough or questioned about your genuinity in who God created us to be.
IT HURTS to feel condemned, rejected, disregarded by the people of God.
IT HURTS when made to feel unwanted.
IT HURTS see people tear each other down, be cutthroat and sneaky, manipulative with ulterior motives just to kill the ministry in others, and promote themselves!
IT HURTS when the biggest critics condone and accept others who DO evil, are malicious and petty but regard good people as the villains!
Though I had a bitter taste in my mouth, I thank God I never spoke bitterly about others as they've done me. I thank God that even though I hurt, God kept me from being that hurt person who hurts people.
In owning this hurt, I realized that those who hurt me were few in comparison to those who are good to me! I am thankful for those who have NOT hurt me! Those who have encouraged me, who kept it real with me, who believed in me and appreciated me. There are many who are wonderful to me. Because I buried the hurt, I was distracted by the hurt and, in turn, hindered myself from feeling grateful and appreciative of the good people that are in my life. I am not going to do evil for evil. I am not going to expect any retribution for their actions. I am no longer needing to explain myself to people who are insistent upon misunderstanding me. I will focus on seeing those who are a blessing to me. I will place my energy on doing what God leads me to do. I am going to be the best me that I was created to be.
I acknowledged this hurt and I will never let this hurt own me... As of today, I release the HURT and those who hurt me!!! I give ownership back to the enemy!!! No longer will HURT shrink me, cripple me or stop me from being and doing ALL that God has purposed for me to do! My businesses shall PROSPER. I will continue to help liberate people's financial situations with what GOD has given me the wisdom to do!
Thank you for releasing the HURT Holy Spirit, Thank you for Healing the HURT Jesus, Thank you for Protecting and Keeping me from HURTING God.
Much Love & Success,
Minister Sybil Kearse
Life|Success|Executive Leadership|Money Mindset Coach